COUGARLAND FANTASY
A RAG BED-TIME STORY
by David Ciscel
Once there was a pleasant
kingdom called Uofh ruled
by the benevolent and omni
potent King Hoff. This
small land was surrounded
by four hostile kingdoms
of Freeway, Slaughtered
Cow, Depressed Black, and
White Enclave. Many of
the subjects of King Hoff
travelled through these
hostile lands to be at
Uofh, and the subjects
were very grateful for the
many gifts King Hoff show-
ered upon them-- (for a
small fee).
Within this gentle
kingdom two powers fought
for the pleasure of the
King. The two groups,
the Scholars and the Bureau-
crats, realized that the
ultimate winner would have
the pleasure of adminis-
tering all the kingdom's
subjects. The struggle
for supremacy was continu-
ous. The Scholars, a
gentle and intelligent
type, were forever spon-
soring leadership confer-
ances, student govts, and
other programs to gain the
subjects' undying allegi-
ance. The Bureaucrats,
a dull-witted but brutal
bunch, thought force to be
the preferable means of
gaining the subjects'
allegiance. To such an end
the Bureaucrats staged
week-long reigns of terror
several times a year.
After many years these
weeks became known as Reg-
istration Week by the sub-
jects. The Registration
was ruled over by Prince
Vitality and his loyal
Knight Herr Zhimmler.
These short pogroms
had continued for so many
years that most considered
them part of the culture.
As such, Registration was
so traditional that even
the Scholars' front groups
were allowed to prosely-
tize the subjects during
the torture. Knight Zhimm-
ler was often mightily
disturbed because he was
always losing some of his
followers to the tables of
the Scholars.
Into this pleasant
traditionalist society
came a local SDS (Society
of Disgruntled Students)
chapter. Organizing under
the authority of Scholars,
it joined the others at
the tables during Regis-
tration. However, SDS
openly allowed its sedi-
titous literature to be
picked up at its table--a
type of conduct strictly
forbidden by Knight Zhimm-
ler. When it was pointed
out that the Scholars'
other tables also pushed
propaganda, Zhimmler res-
ponded by stopping their
actions also. SDS, believ-
ing in free speech, jus-
tice, and other cilly
notions, still refused to
remove its literature.
Reasoned one bushy-headed
SDSer, "Just because every
one else accepts a bad
deal, why shouw we?" What
the naive members of SDS
did not realize was that
this incident reuslted in
a major disturbance of the
institutionalized struggle
between the Scholars and
the Bureaucrats.
The top Scholar, the
Prince of Yard, quickly
dispatched his most favor-
ed Knight, the White of
Head. This Knight quickly
came to the defense of the
Scholars' tables in Regis-
tration. The SDSers were
jubilant until Knight
Zhimmler brought in Prince
Vitality. Knight White of
Head quickly got cold feed
explaining that after all,
the SDSers disturbed the
Status Quo. The SDSers
responded that, for all
they cared, both Knight
Zhimmler and Knight White
of Head could drop dead.
Knight Zhimmler prompt-
ly lost his cool and began
to rant, while Knight
White of Head ran quickly
to inform his superior the
Prince of Yard.
Prince of Yard called
for lenght discussion and
negotiation between the
Scholars and the Bureau-
crats. Aftere several hours
of discussion, the SDSers
built up enough nerve to
ask why they were not in-
cluded in the discussions
since they had made the
main complaint, and any-
way they said, "Weren't
subjects equal to others
in this day and age?"
The Prince of Yard
was furious but determined
not to let a bunch with
this much spunk be captur-
ed by the Bureaucrats. The
Prince of Yard returned to
his office shortly there-
after, announcing that the
Bureaucrats had been de-
feated and that was great.
The Prince of Yard invited
he SDSers to visit his
office and view the bodies
of Prince Vitality and
Knight Zhimmler.
The SDSers rejoiced.
After promising to go easy
on the free speech-social
justice routine, they were
formally accepted by the
Fraternal Order of the
Scholars.
Afterwards the SDSers
wondered, for a short while
if they had gotten what
they really wanted. Things
are pretty much the same
al over, aren't they?
RAG BUST
Registration is not
the only time when Univ-
ersity of Houston bureau-
crats have had to deal
with maverick SDSers; once
againt he guardians of
Safety and Security have
found it necessary to de-
tain a suspicious looking
character selling The Rag
Bob Pustejovsky was not a
registered student at the
time, so he was busted,
following in the bootsteps
of Bill Watson. (see last issue)
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